Every night when I hold Life a part of me remembers where she came from and I take a deep breath, hold her tighter and thank God for his mercy. Today, I did something really stupid and I have shed a fair amount of tears just thinking about what could have been. Our new house is on the corner of a busy street and I decided to leave Life in the backyard (with the gate open so that I could see her) while I moved Matt's scooter from behind my car. I didn't think it would take me so long to move his scooter and I trusted that Life wouldn't venture out into the driveway near the busy street. But as it was taking me a long time to move his scooter (it's heavy and I don't know how to use the kick-stand) my heart started racing thinking that Life was going to walk out of the backyard... I couldn't see her because my car was in the view of where she was. I panicked. She must have moved. Where is she? I can't see her. Oh Lord. I can't get the scooter to stand up! "Just put the freaking scooter down on the ground and go get Life, Lauren. GET HER." I propped the scooter up as fast as I could against my car and ran to the other side of the car to see where she was. She was there. Walking fast towards the busy street. I scooped her up into my arms and walked quickly to put her into my car. And all I felt was...
Ashamed. Why did I leave her unattended? I didn't think it would take me so long to move the scooter. I thought it would only take a second and that she would play in the backyard.
When I put her in my car, all my nervous energy kicked-in full force. What if I hadn't gone to get her? What if...
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you Jesus for not letting her get 4 steps closer to the road. Thank you for giving me the intuition to go and check on her.
I'm so thankful she's OK. And that she looked at me like I was crazy when I was hugging her and kissing her after I picked her up. She had no idea what I was thinking and I appreciate her innocence. I'm supposed to be the one who's aware. So, I'm thankful for that lesson. And I'm proud to say that I am aware. From now on. I'm going to be on my game. Living on the corner is not for the faint at heart.
3 comments:
Lauren, every mom has stories like these...the "what if I hadn't...." (most of mine involve Clark, go figure) and I thank God daily for the Mommy-dar that he gives us! Put your faith and trust in God to protect your little family and He will do just that! You are doing a wonderful job of raising a very sweet and very cool little girl!
I know just how you feel and just like Katy said...every mom has stories like this.
I love you blog and thought I would leave a note saying hey and that we hope the new house is great :O)
put the scooter up matt. :)
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